Holiday Grief Plan: How to Cope (and How to Support Others Who Are Grieving)

For many, the holiday season is full of warmth and celebration. But for anyone navigating grief and loss, this time of year can feel disorienting, lonely, or simply too much.

You’re not alone in feeling this way—and you’re not doing it wrong.

Whether you’re grieving yourself or walking alongside someone who is, this guide offers a calm, practical approach to the holidays. It includes a simple Holiday Grief Plan, small ways to remember loved ones, and ideas for how to support someone who’s hurting.

No pressure. No performance. Just small, honest choices that help you (or them) move through the season with care.

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard When You’re Grieving

Grief doesn’t take time off for the holidays.

In fact, this season can make grief feel even louder—because of what’s missing.

• The empty chair at dinner
• The dish only they made
• The gift you’re not buying this year
• The card that won’t come

Whether it’s your first season without them or the tenth, holidays stir memories. They highlight traditions, expectations, and social obligations that can feel impossible to meet when you’re grieving.

Grief isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a calendar. And it doesn’t care how much you want to “feel normal again.”

This is why having a Holiday Grief Plan can be so helpful—not to fix the pain, but to make space for it in manageable ways.

Your Holiday Grief Plan: A Grounding Checklist for Grieving Hearts

When you’re grieving, even small decisions can feel overwhelming—especially during the holidays, when the pressure to be “cheerful” or “back to normal” can feel impossible.

This Holiday Grief Plan is a gentle tool to help you create emotional boundaries and intentional moments that protect your energy, honor your grief, and reduce decision fatigue.

You don’t have to do everything. Just start with a few choices that feel kind to yourself.

1–2 Traditions You’ll Keep

Why it helps: Holding onto one or two traditions offers a sense of continuity and comfort—without feeling forced to “do it all.”

Examples:

• Lighting a candle before dinner in their honor
• Watching the holiday movie you always watched together
• Hanging their stocking or favorite ornament

These familiar moments can feel grounding, even if the rest of the holiday looks different this year.

1 Thing You’ll Pause or Skip

Why it helps: Grief uses up a lot of emotional energy. Letting go of something (even temporarily) creates space to rest or just breathe.

Examples:

• Skipping holiday cards this year
• Not putting up the full tree or elaborate decorations
• Passing on attending a big party

This isn’t about “giving up”—it’s about choosing what you need, not what’s expected.

1 Person You Can Lean On

Why it helps: Naming someone you trust means you don’t have to reach out in a moment of distress—you already know who to call or text.

Examples:

• A sibling who “gets it”
• A friend who’s also experienced grief
• A neighbor who checks in with no pressure

You can even let them know ahead of time:

“You’re my person this season if I need a reset.”

1 Way You’ll Remember Your Loved One

Why it helps: Intentional remembrance—especially on your own terms—can bring comfort, connection, and a sense of closeness without adding weight.

Examples:

• Write a letter to them and keep it in a journal or special box
• Make their favorite holiday treat and share it with someone else
• Create a small “memory corner” with a candle and photo

Grief is love with nowhere to go. Giving it a small place to land can help.

1 Boundary for Gatherings

Why it helps: Setting boundaries helps you avoid emotional burnout and awkward moments you’re not ready for.

Examples:

• “I’ll join dinner for an hour, then I might head home.”
• “I’d rather not talk about this today—can we focus on something lighter?”
• Choosing to drive yourself so you can leave when you need to

This isn’t rude—it’s realistic. Your emotional safety matters too.

1 Self-Care Anchor

Why it helps: One grounding habit—especially during a chaotic or emotionally charged season—can help you feel more stable.

Examples:

• A 15-minute walk each morning, just for you
• Listening to the same peaceful playlist before bed
• Having tea in a quiet corner before the house wakes up

It doesn’t have to be big. Just something that reminds you: you’re allowed to care for yourself, too.

Supporting Someone Who’s Grieving During the Holidays

If someone you care about is going through grief and loss, you may wonder what to say or do—especially when others seem focused on joy and celebration.

Here’s what helps most:

💬 Acknowledge the Loss

You won’t “remind” them of the loss—they haven’t forgotten. Saying something simple like:

“I know this season might feel really different. I’m thinking of you.”

can go a long way.

Offer Practical Help

Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” try specific support:

• “Can I bring you dinner this week?”
• “Want help decorating—or skipping it altogether?”
• “I’ll save you a seat at the gathering if you feel up to it.”

Respect Their Choices

Grievers might cancel plans last-minute. They might leave early. They might laugh in one moment and cry in the next. Let them. Flexibility is the best gift you can offer.

Send Something Small (If It Feels Right)

A handwritten note, a candle, or a favorite treat can gently say “you’re not alone.” No need for big gestures—presence matters more than presents.

Don’t Force Positivity

Avoid phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “At least you had time with them.” Instead, try:

“I miss them too.”
“I can’t imagine how this feels, but I’m here.”

Gentle Remembrance Ideas for the Holidays

Sometimes, the best way to honor grief is through remembrance—not grand events, but small, personal moments.

Here are a few ideas that don’t require much time or energy:

• Light a candle at the dinner table or in a quiet space
• Make (or order) their favorite food
• Display a photo or ornament in their memory
• Write a short holiday letter to them
• Listen to a song that reminds you of them
• Visit their grave or a meaningful place, even briefly
• Donate to a cause they cared about
• Say their name—out loud, in a toast, or in a quiet prayer

These acts don’t erase the sadness. But they can create space for it—so it doesn’t have to be carried alone.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong

Grief during the holidays doesn’t follow a script. Some days will be harder than others. Some moments might surprise you with joy. Others might bring sudden sadness. All of it is normal.

Whether you’re making space for your own pain or gently holding someone else’s, the same truth applies:

You don’t have to carry this season perfectly.

Small choices are enough. Quiet remembrance is enough. Showing up—however that looks—is enough.